In its ancient wisdom, the Church never ceases to teach that “sexuality, through which man and woman give themselves to each other with the husband’s own and exclusive acts, is not at all something purely biological, but concerns the intimate core of the human person as such. It is only realized in a truly human way if it is an integral part of the love with which man and woman commit themselves totally to each other until death.” (CIC 2361). Why is sex before marriage a sin?
Sex requires the involvement of the person in its entirety
This Catechism text provides us with enough material to answer this question. The first and most relevant statement is that the sexual act belongs to the spouses. This is for a noble and fair reason: such involvement is not purely biological, as it involves the person as a whole. The second thing is that we men, whether from a biological or psychological point of view, are completely different from animals.
Let us first analyze the difference between animals and humans when it comes to sexuality. The animal, in a sexual relationship, wants to reach the peak of pleasure at all costs. When he reaches sexual satisfaction, he doesn’t care who he just mated with. Human beings not only want to reach the peak of sexual pleasure, that is, orgasm, they also want the person’s company. There is an affection between them. This shows, as the Church teaches, that there is something that transcends the biological.
In addition to everything I just mentioned, it is worth remembering that human beings have a spiritual soul. This implies that, in a sexual relationship, there is the involvement of the person in their entirety, . The fact that humans also have a spiritual soul makes all the difference compared to animals. It is evident, therefore, that the Church’s teaching is clear, sex must be understood from a spiritual point of view and not merely biological. The soul seeks happiness and not mere pleasure.
For this reason, there is dissatisfaction among many people who experience sex in a way that is always missing something, even if they have sex daily and with more than one person. When human beings unite their bodies, they also unite their souls. Herein lies the reason and necessity of the sacrament of marriage. They cannot be united bodily if the soul is not united through the sacrament.
Commitment
Another very important aspect within a relationship is commitment. In a sexual union, the man says to the woman and the woman to the man “I’m all yours, I’m all yours!”, but when sex is experienced outside the relationship, this promise is nothing more than a lie. So much so that, after sexual intercourse, they both get up from the bed and each go to their own home.
It is worth highlighting, within all of what we are talking about, the feeling that women have of being used. When dealing with people who have had such experiences, I realize that this fact is constant, as there is a strong feeling of having been used by the person after sexual intercourse. Female psychology does not forgive this. A woman, more than feeling pleasure, needs to feel loved. However, how will she feel loved if, at the end of the sexual relationship, the loved one is no longer by her side? A basic question then arises at this moment: “Does he really love me or is he using me?” This feeling of being used is inevitable when you don’t have commitment.
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Consequences of love
From this, we see that a person can only be fully fulfilled within a sexual relationship if they do not lack the main ingredient: . The problem is that love is often confused with feelings or something similar, when, in fact, it is much more than that, love compromises, demands renunciation, detachment and so many other things.
Those who are not willing to bear the consequences of love will never know what it is to truly love. People are thirsty for true love, the problem is that they are drinking from the wrong source. They are looking for love in , in personal satisfaction, but, unfortunately, they will not find it. Anyone who seeks to quench their thirst for love through pleasure will inevitably die of thirst.
Therefore, sex before marriage is a sin not because the Church prohibits it, but because it hurts human nature. Man, in addition to being biological, is also spiritual. More than seeking pleasure, he seeks; and happiness will only be found through the concrete experience of love. Anyone who only seeks pleasure from others will never know what it is to truly love someone.