The nature of marriage
Marriage is an Institution of the order of God’s creation
When cultures debate marriage-related questions and discuss the ethics of sexual relationships, there is a fundamental divide between those who view marriage as essentially “given” by God, and those who view it as a cultural construct. In Matthew 19, when Jesus is questioned about divorce, He begins by affirming the teaching of Genesis 1 and 2: “Have you not read that He who created you made you male and female from the beginning (Gen. 1:27), and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will be one flesh’ (Gen 2:18)?” (Mt 19:4-5).
By taking us back to Creation, Jesus affirms what Genesis teaches, that the two sexual parts of humanity (created male and female) and the institution of marriage are “given” by God. This is “given” in the double sense of “given and non-negotiable” and “given as a gift.” Professor Oliver O’Donovan writes that the order of creation is “non-negotiable in the course of history” and is part of “that which neither the terrors of chance nor the ingenuity of art can overthrow. It defines the scope of our freedom and the limits of our fears” (Oliver O’Donovan, Resurrection and Moral Order, 2nd ed., 61). Marriage is good and a stable institution. Human culture tries to reinvent or reshape it, but under God it remains an immutable foundation for human life.
Marriage also has many forms of cultural expression. People enter marriage through a variety of ceremonies and commit to marriage in different ways. But, in essence, the institution is part of the order of creation. For this reason, we must explore its purpose and definition from the Bible (see GW Bromily, God and Marriage).
The purpose of marriage
Marriage is established in such a way that we can serve God through children, faithful intimacy, and properly ordered sexual relations.
It is important to ask a useful theological and pastoral question: “for what purpose has God created marriage?” We begin by asking what hope and ambition a particular couple might have when they enter into marriage. But before answering this, it is essential to ask why God created the institution of marriage. The Bible teaches three basic answers to this question. But before considering them, we must look at a general theme: service to God in his world.
In Genesis 2:15 it says: “The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to cultivate it and take care of it.” The man is the gardener; he is the keeper and farmer in the garden of God. In this context we read in Genesis 2:18: “Then the Lord God said; ‘It’s not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a suitable helper.’” A close study of the Scriptures establishes what the context suggests, that the problem with man’s loneliness is not a lonely relationship, but rather a great task to be accomplished; the man needs, not so much a companion or a lover (although the woman would be both), but a “helper” to work at his side, tending and cultivating the garden (see chapter 7 of Christopher Ash, Marriage: Sex in the bathroom of God).
Recognizing this transforms the study of marriage from a standpoint of what pleases us or what we enjoy to a focus on what will serve God’s purposes. Paradoxically, the most secure and happy marriages are those that look outward, beyond their own (often suffocating) self-absorption (or introspective “marital freedom”), to serve God and others in God’s world, through love of God and neighbor.
Under this overarching heading of service to God, we must place the three traditional biblical “goods” (or benefits) of marriage: procreation, intimacy, and social order.
Procreation
In Genesis 1:27-28, the creation of the human being as male and female is immediately linked with the blessing that “be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and subdue it. Have dominion over her.” This is to say that the first way in which marriage is directed to the service of God is through procreation and the proper upbringing of children. Children are blessings from God. This blessing is not given to every married couple. When they are not, it is cause for sadness. Marriage is still marriage and they can honor God deeply without children. But we must esteem the procreation of children as a blessing with cost and sacrifice. Our prayer is that the children will grow up “in the nurturing and instruction of the Lord” (Eph 6:4) and will become – in the language of Genesis 2 – faithful gardeners under God to tend the world for him.
Privacy
Sexual desire and pleasure within marriage are wonderfully affirmed in Scripture (eg, Pr 5:18-19; Song). To deny the goodness of marriage is to side with the serpent in the Garden of Eden, when he questions the goodness of God (Gen 3:1; 1 Tim 4:1-5).
God’s covenant relationship with his people is described as a marriage in which the Lord is the husband and God’s people are his bride (eg, Is 62:5). In the New Testament, this theme moves to a new key as the marriage of Christ, the husband, to the Church of Christ, his wife (eg, Eph 5:22-33).
Sexual intimacy within marriage is designed to serve God by building a God-honoring relationship of delight and faithfulness, an intimacy that portrays the eschatological intimacy that the entire church of Christ will enjoy with Christ, her husband. It would be hard to imagine a higher calling for couples embarking on marriage (see Timothy and Kathy Keller, ).
Social order
The Bible is realistic about the power of sexual desire, both male and female (with all its differences), and the possibilities for chaos and disorder that arise from those desires when they are not channeled into God’s proper order. The seventh commandment’s prohibition on adultery (Ex 20:14) functions as the tip of a iceberg of teachings in both the Old and New Testaments that forbid sexual immorality of all kinds. All sexual intimacy outside of the covenantal union of a man with a woman in marriage falls under the Biblical definition of sexual immorality. The Bible protects “nudity” (sexual nudity, in the context of sexual arousal) and therefore prohibits pornography, rape, abuse of women, sex between a man and a man, between a man and many women, between a woman and a woman, between a woman and many men, and between humans and animals.
This limit around sexual expression is a good and necessary protection of the sexual order in any society. When it is broken, and especially when it is broken by an entire culture, sexual chaos ensues and lives are imperiously damaged.
The definition of marriage
Marriage is a voluntary and public sexual union in society between a man and a woman from different families. This union is represented by the union of God with his people who are the bride, Christ with the church. Intrinsic to this union is God’s call to exclusive and longstanding sexual fidelity (see chs. 11-15 in Christopher Ash, Marriage: Sex in the service of God). We must summarize the definition of the Bible based on the following elements.
Consent
Marriage is a voluntary union. The Bible condemns rape and forced marriage (eg, 2 Sam 13:14). A man and a woman need to consent to be married. With this consent they agree to give to the other all that they are as sexual persons (1 Cor 7:2-4). This consent must be given with an understanding of the nature of the institution they are both entering.
Public
Marriage is a public union. While privacy is, and should be, private; the nature of the union must be public. The man and the woman promise with an oath that each will be faithful to the other until one of them dies.
Free unions (not married) are under an ambiguity about what the man and the woman have consented to. There is often a different understanding between the two. But when a man and a woman get married, there is no such uncertainty. Each one has publicly declared her fidelity for life in front of the society where they live. In a healthy society, this means that social support is given to the married couple. There is a social price to pay for a husband or wife breaking up a marriage.
A man and a woman: heterosexual
Marriage is between a man and a woman. This is how God has created humanity. Society may call a relationship between two people of the same sex “marriage”; but from God’s point of view it cannot be so.
A man and a woman: monogamy
Marriage is between a man and a woman. Polygamy appears in the Old Testament but is not confirmed. Jesus explicitly affirms the Genesis order of one man and one woman (eg, Mt 19:5-6 “they are no longer two, but one flesh”).
from different families
The Bible consistently condemns incest, which is sexual intimacy between those who are closely related, either by blood (kinship) or marriage (affinity). Leviticus 18 is the clearest and most affirmed text in the Old Covenant that answers this question. Paul condemns a man’s sexual relations with his stepmother (1 Cor 5).
Christians have not always agreed on the rationale for incest prohibitions or where to draw the line on incest. The clearest answer is that the rationale is to protect the family circle from the destructive confusion that arises when someone sees a close relationship (other than spouses) as a potential sexual partner. If this reasoning is correct, then the extent of the incest prohibition may depend on what counts, in a particular culture, as “close family” (see Christopher Ash, Marriage: Sex in God’s Service, 266-271).
The example of Christ with his church
Three New Testament passages speak expressly to husbands and wives: Eph 5:22-33, Col 3:18-19, 1 Pet 3:1-7. These passages teach us that husbands should exercise a self-sacrificial leadership role and wives should have a posture of divine submission. This model is widely ridiculed and rejected in contemporary culture and also in parts of the church.
Considering this question, we must begin with the idea of ”order” or “arrangement” (from the Greek taxi) from which the word “submission” derives. In the New Testament this concept is applied to (a) the submission of all things to God and to Christ (Eph 1:22); (b) the submission of Christ to God (1 Cor 15:24-28); (c) the submission of the believer to God (James 4:7); (d) the submission of the believer to civil authorities (Ro 13:1-7); (e) the submission of slaves to the owners (Tit 2:9); (f) the…