The function of sex is to unite and procreate, within the relationship of man and woman coming together to form “one flesh”.
Samuele Bacchiocchi, Ph.D.*
Frederico Branco, Editor.
Society’s attitude toward sex has gone from one extreme to the other. “The person of Victorian times,” writes Rollo May, “sought to have love without falling into sex; the modern human seeks to have sex without falling in love.”1 From the puritan point of view of sex as a necessary evil for procreation, we arrive at the popular conception of sex as something necessary for recreation. Both extremes are wrong and fail to fulfill the divine intention regarding sex. Negative opinion makes married people feel guilty about their sexual relationships; the permissive opinion turns people into robots, indulging in sex without much meaning or satisfaction. How should a Christian relate to sex? What does the Bible say about sexuality? As a Bible-believing Christian, I have found the following seven principles helpful in understanding how we should relate to sex.
Principle #1: The Bible speaks of human sexuality as good
Let us begin with the beginning: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). After each act of creation, God said “it was good” (Genesis 1:12, 18, 21, 25), but after the creation of humanity as male and female, God said “it was very good” (Genesis 1 :31).
This initial assessment of human sexuality as “very good” shows that the Bible views the male/female sexual distinction as part of the good and perfect quality of God’s original creation. Note also that the human sexual duality of male and female is explicitly said to have been created in the image of God. Because Scripture distinguishes human beings from other creatures, theologians have usually thought that the image of God in humanity refers to the rational, moral, and spiritual faculties that God has bestowed on men and women. However, there is another way of understanding the image of God, implicit in Genesis 1:27: “In the image of God he created him: male and female he created them.” Thus human masculinity and femininity reflect the image of God in the sense that man and woman have the capacity to experience a unity of companionship similar to that which exists in the Trinity. The God of biblical revelation is not a solitary and unique Being, who lives in eternal estrangement, but rather a companionship of three Beings united in such an intimate and mysterious way that we worship them as one God. This mysterious unity of the Trinity is reflected as a divine image in humanity, in the sexual duality of man and woman, mysteriously united in marriage as “one flesh”.
Principle #2: Sexual intercourse is a process by which two become “one flesh”
The intimate companionship between man and woman is expressed in Genesis 2:24: “For this reason a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and the two become one flesh.” The phrase “one flesh” refers to the union of body, soul and spirit between spouses. This total union can be experienced especially through sexual intercourse, when the act is the expression of genuine love, respect and devotion.
The phrase “the two becoming one flesh” expresses the divine estimation of sex within the marital relationship. It tells us that God sees sex as a means by which husband and wife can achieve new unity. It is noteworthy that the image “one flesh” is never used to describe a child’s relationship with his or her mother or father. A man needs to leave his father and mother to become “one flesh” with his wife. His relationship with his wife is different from his relationship with his parents because it consists of a new unity consummated by sexual union. Becoming “one flesh” also implies that the purpose of the sexual act is not only procreative (producing children), but also psychological (satisfying the emotional need to consummate a new relationship of unity). Unity implies the willingness to reveal your physical, emotional and intellectual self to another in the most intimate way.
By getting to know each other in the most intimate way, the couple experiences the meaning of becoming one flesh. Sexual intercourse does not automatically guarantee this unity. Rather, consume the intimacy of a perfect participation that has already developed.
Principle #3: Sex is getting to know each other on the most intimate level
Sexual relations within marriage allow a couple to get to know each other in a way that cannot be experienced in any other way. Participating in sexual intercourse means revealing not only your body but also your inner being to each other. This is why the Scriptures describe sexual intercourse as “to know” (see Genesis 4:1), the same verb used in Hebrew in reference to knowing the God. Obviously Adam had gotten to know Eve before their sexual relationship, but through her he came to know her more intimately than before. Dwight H. Small notes the purpose:
“Revelation through sexual intercourse encourages revelation on all levels of personal existence.
This is an exclusive and unique revelation for the couple. They know each other like no one else.
This unique knowledge is equivalent to claiming the other in genuine belonging….
The nudity and physical connection is symbolic of the fact that nothing is hidden or withheld between them.”2
The process that leads to sexual intercourse is one of increasing knowledge. From initial casual acquaintance to courting, marriage and sexual intercourse, the couple grows in their knowledge of each other. Sexual intercourse represents the culmination of this reciprocal growth and intimacy. As Elizabeth Achtemeier expresses it:
“We feel as if the most hidden depths of our being are brought to the surface
and revealed and offered to each other as the most intimate expression of our love.”3
Principle #4: The Bible condemns sex outside of marriage
Since sex represents the most intimate of all interpersonal relationships, expressing a unity of complete devotion, such unity cannot be expressed or experienced in a casual sexual union in which the intent is purely recreational or commercial. The only unity experienced in such unions is that of immorality. Sexual immorality is serious because it affects the individual more deeply and permanently than any other sin. As Paul states: “Any other sin a person commits is outside the body; but he who practices immorality sins against his own body” (1 Corinthians 6:18). Someone might say that even gluttony and drunkenness affect a person inside the body. But these sins do not have the same permanent effect on the personality as sexual sin.
Abuse in eating or drinking can be overcome, stolen goods can be returned, lies can be retracted and replaced by the truth, but the sexual act cannot be undone. A radical change, which can never be undone, occurred in the interpersonal relationship of the couple in question. This does not mean that sexual sins are unforgivable. The Bible assures us, for example, of the precept that if we confess our sin, the Lord is “faithful and just to forgive us all our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). When David repented of his double sin of adultery and murder, God forgave him (see Psalms 51 and 32).
Principle #5: No-strings-attached sex reduces a person to an object
Sex outside of marriage is sex without commitment. Such casual relationships destroy a person’s integrity by reducing the other person to an object of personal gratification. People who feel hurt and used after sexual encounters may withdraw completely from sexual activity for fear of being used again, or they may decide to use their bodies selfishly without regard for the feelings of others. One way or another, sexuality is perverted because he or she has destroyed the possibility of using his or her sexuality to relate genuinely and intimately with the person he or she loves. Sex cannot be used as fun with one partner one time and as a way to express genuine love and commitment to another partner another time. The biblical perspective of unity, intimacy, and genuine love cannot be realized in sex outside of marriage or in sex with multiple partners.
Engaged couples will likely say they are expressing genuine love by engaging in premarital sex. From a Christian perspective, engaged couples will respect each other and consider engagement as preparation for marriage, not marriage. Until you take your marriage vows, there is the possibility of breaking the relationship. If a couple had sexual intercourse, they compromised their relationship. Any subsequent breakup will leave permanent emotional scars. It is only when a man and a woman wish to become one, not only verbally but also legally, by taking responsibility for their partner, that they can seal their relationship through sexual union.
In no other area has Christian morality been attacked as in the area of sex outside marriage. The biblical condemnation of illicit sexual acts is clear but often ignored with subterfuge. For example, fornication is called premarital sex, with the emphasis on the “pre.” Adultery is called “extramarital” sex, not as a sin against divine moral law. Homosexuality goes from an immoral behavior in the light of the Holy Scriptures to a “deviation” and “gay variation”. More and more, Christians are giving in to the specious argument that “love justifies you.” If a man and a woman love each other deeply and genuinely, they are said to have the right to express their love through sexual union outside of marriage. Some argue that premarital sex frees people from their inhibitions, giving them a feeling of emotional freedom. The truth is that premarital sex increases emotional pressure because it reduces sexual love to a purely physical level, without the full commitment of two married people.
Principle #6: Sex is both procreative and relational
Until the beginning of the last century, Christians generally believed that the primary function of sex was procreative. Other considerations, such as the bonding, relationship and pleasure aspects of sex were seen as secondary. In the 20th century the order was reversed. From a biblical point of view, sexual activity within marriage is both procreative and relational. As Christians, we need to recover and maintain the biblical balance between these two functions of sex. Sexual union is a pleasurable act of perfect participation that generates a feeling of unity while offering the possibility of bringing a new being into the world.
We need to recognize that sex is a divine gift that can be legitimately enjoyed within marriage. Paul encourages husbands and wives to fulfill their marital duties because their bodies do not belong to them alone, but to each other. Therefore they should not deprive each other of sex except by mutual agreement by…