God established in the Bible that marriage is something honorable and, therefore, it is something that should bring honor and glory to the Lord. The beliefs about the sexuality in marriage according to the bible and the scriptures make it clear that the sex is a special gift from God for a husband and wife within the exclusive bonds of marriage.
Hebrews 13:4 says: “Marriage be honored in all, and the bed without blemish; but whoremongers and adulterers will be judged by God.”
Besides that, there are three important things that the Bible says about the meaning and the purpose of marital sex. These principles inform and shape all expressions of physical intimacy in marriage:
- It is essential for husband and wife to become one flesh (Genesis 2:24).
- It is the way they participate in God’s ongoing work of creation through the pleasure and delight of procreation (Genesis 1:28).
- It is intended to serve as a symbol of the union between Christ and his Church (Ephesians 5:31-32).
Love, freedom and selflessness in marriage
From the Christian point of view, marriage it is a love relationship in which a man and a woman model for each other the self-sacrificing nature of Christ’s love for his Church.
Sex isn’t supposed to be “all about me.” Instead, it is designed to function as part of the give and take of an interpersonal relationship. It is a sacred mystery – a powerful bonding agent that shapes and affects the relationship between a man and a woman like nothing else can.
Where there is love, there is freedom, because God has given a husband and a wife the privilege of defining the uniqueness of their sexual relationship. No one else has the right or authority to tell you how to behave in the bedroom, as long as your actions don’t violate scripture.
But love also implies that each spouse must give the highest priority to the needs, feelings, desires and preferences of their partner. In other words, the mutual consent it is basic for all healthy sexual expression in marriage.
Consent implies that both parties know what is proposed and what is expected. They fully understand the physical and emotional ramifications of the suggested activity. Let there be room for discussion. And that both members of the couple are always free to say no.
Respect, humility, and tolerance—they are essential in all human relationships—are of the utmost importance in marriage. Neither spouse should be pressured to engage in any sexual activity with which he or she feels uncomfortable. Marital sex is part of a healthy relationship. It should never be manipulated for the personal pleasure of one of the spouses.
So what about anal and oral intercourse?
The Bible never addresses the issue of oral sexual intercourse in marriage, so couples must use their own judgment. (We realize that some Christians have strong reservations about this type of sexual relationship, and we respect their point of view.)
But we strongly caution couples against anal intercourse:
- Anal intercourse seems to violate the biblical concept of mutual respect and enjoyment between couples. Renowned Christian sex therapists Clifford and Joyce Penner report that most women who do it with their husbands admit they don’t enjoy it – that they feel violated.
- Anal intercourse poses serious medical risks, including bacterial and viral infections of the vagina, penis, rectum, and anus. That’s not to mention that rectal tissue is more delicate and vulnerable to tears and abrasion than vaginal tissue.
Sexual intimacy in marriage is a lifelong process
Above all, cover your relationship with grace as you grow and learn together. Different forms of expression may be appropriate in different seasons – when they are young or old; in stress or joy; during pregnancy, childbirth and parenting; during and after menopause… The list could go on.
But no matter where you are in life, healthy attitudes toward marital sex are characterized by openness, prayerfulness, vulnerability, flexibility, and a willingness to communicate.