“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
It is with this verse that I begin our reflection today: how is your communication? Has it aroused anger or diverted fury or promoted good relationships with others? Communication is a topic that always appears when I serve people and listen to their life situations. It is not uncommon to make statements about the difficulty of communicating in the family, with children, as a couple, at work, with friends.
Listening, in fact, is an art, as this act often involves the need to free ourselves from judgments. Like this? Often, we hear it already thinking about the best response to give, the justifications, and our defense. And at this point, you stopped communicating. Yes, it has stopped, because it has blocked your ears and you will no longer fully understand what the other person is saying.
A word that was not well placed, a difficulty in expression, a ‘no’ that should be ‘yes’, a ‘yes’ that should be ‘no’… There are many ways of communicating that can favor or not the relationship with the client. other. Such obstacles, limits or blocks, so to speak, are the beginning of non-assertive communication. By assertiveness we mean the direct, polite and effective way of communicating with others.
How, then, can we think about assertive communication, that is, one that says what it really means? One important thing must be evaluated: Am I a person who has difficulty setting limits? Is there a need to be accepted in the circles I am in? If you identify with this way, it is very likely that your communication is not always assertive.
An assertive person is one who can express feelings, opinions, justify and explain without attacking and honestly with themselves, taking others into consideration. If this communication is assertive, the chances of a healthy relationship being established between the two parties or in a group are increasingly greater.
Putting yourself in the other person’s shoes is one of the first and most important steps: “Would I like to hear what I’m saying to the other person? If I heard that, how would I feel?” This small and simple exercise would lead us to a much clearer understanding of the situations we experience and the difficulties we have in communicating. If, on the one hand, assertive communication creates bridges and facilitates relationships, aggressive or passive communication prevents us from having a more expressive quality in them. Aggressiveness, unfortunately, has spread through social networks and relationships.
Of course, we will often be more dry and objective, however, by being aggressive alone we will not get anywhere; and therein lies the danger. Avoiding hasty conclusions or conclusions based on anything but concrete situations can help your communication become better every day. And, increasingly, we see situations of intolerance in communication, thus leading to aggressive and destructive relationships.
Listening to and respecting the other’s differences becomes increasingly a challenge in relationships, but it is based on the observation we make of our attitudes; By knowing ourselves, we can grow in communication and in the feedback we give to others and also in our Christian practices.
Elaine Ribeiro
Clinical Psychologist from USP – University of São Paulo, working in the cities of São Paulo and Cachoeira Paulista. Neuropsychologist and Organizational Psychologist, she is a collaborator at Comunidade .
Website: www.elaineribeiropsicologia.com.br
Facebook: elaine.ribeiropsicologia
Instagram: @elaineribeiro_psicologa
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