There is no magic solution, nor an immediate correction to overcome an addiction. Each person must examine the root of their addiction and find a way to overcome it in their own life.
Here are some tools that can help you better understand yourself and your addiction so you can break it.
Like most addicts, my first encounter with pornography was in my teens. I was picking up trash on “Earth Day” and in the weeds I found a pornographic magazine.
I knew it was wrong to look, but out of curiosity, I chose to look at her, and then look again. I hid it in my pocket, carefully so that my parents wouldn’t discover it. I took it home, hid it in my room and when I was alone, I looked one more time.
It wasn’t long before the guilt took over. One day I took the magazine from where it was hidden, hid it under my shirt and went to a place near my house where no one would see me.
When I was sure I was completely alone, I pulled out a lighter.
As I pulled the magazine out from under my shirt, I closed my eyes. At that moment I felt disgusted by what I had in my hand and I never wanted to see it again.
It was difficult to start the fire with my eyes closed, I had to look quickly to continue burning it and then several more times to make sure it was completely burned.
Every time I took a look I closed my eyes as quickly as I could and tried to erase the images that came from the burning pages.
When it was done, I buried the ashes, swearing I would never look at something so wicked again. But I did it. I was hooked on that piece of trash I had found by accident.
I watched porn occasionally throughout my teens, but it was in my early twenties that the addiction really took hold. It affected every aspect of my life.
I had a hard time trying to study for school, not only because porn clouds your mind, but because the perfect environment to study in – a peaceful environment where you can’t be interrupted and with access to the internet – is also the perfect environment. to watch pornography.
I avoided having romantic relationships because I didn’t want to hurt the other person. I had financial problems, which incurred a huge data charge on my phone. He was in deep trouble; I knew it, and it terrified me.
As the years went by, I sought help from different sources, and consulted various church leaders, and although they were encouraging and kind, most of them did not understand what an addiction meant or how to truly help someone struggling with pornography.
I desperately sought to get rid of this problem, so I gathered all the resources I could. I found many tools; some helped me a lot, and others were not very helpful.
I never found a simple solution, although many things suggested they were. What I did find, was gradual success as I progressed in my understanding and developed more and more tools that I could use.
In the following paragraphs I will share some of the things that helped me the most.
I tried to attend the twelve step program where most of those present struggled with pornography.
I listened and shared when I thought it would be productive, but I felt no attachment to the people around me in that place, and I was sometimes afraid that my story would end up becoming their story.
Most of them were much deeper in their addictions than I was. Many of them were family men who were there because their marriages were in danger as a direct result of pornography.
Sometimes I left much more stressed about my situation than I was when I arrived, but some of the tools they used and shared there were very useful.
Keep a recovery diary
I felt grateful for the advice I received to journal regularly, particularly when expressing gratitude for the good things in life.
It can be very easy to fall into the trap of focusing only on the things that need to change: Addiction or focusing only on what makes you depressed.
Writing daily, especially about the things you are grateful for, can be very helpful. Otherwise, this journal can be used to track dates and progress and record private thoughts about recovery.
Provocation analysis
Another tool that was mentioned is provocation analysis. This is a very common tool in addiction recovery and can be very helpful in preventing future problems. In other words, it is an analysis post mortem after a relapse.
This consists of remembering and examining the situation you were in just before a relapse, asking yourself questions such as:
What was my emotional state?: Was he bored? Stressed? Frustrated? Lonely?
What was it that triggered me?: Did I walk by the magazine section in the store and see something? Something that appeared on my Facebook page? Did I go through an adult establishment? What was the way someone was dressed? Was it a thought I had?
Then you follow up with the following questions:
How can I change my behavior so I won’t be provoked again?
Ought: Never walk through the magazine section again? Remove that friend who posts questionable content on social media? Change my route to or from work? When I interact with a woman, do I have to make sure I look ONLY in her eyes? Have no more thoughts?
As you can see at the end, the usefulness of this tool is limited but it is a worthwhile exercise, especially when keeping track of it in a recovery journal in order to track what triggers you the most and learn how to avoid it. .
Eventually, I felt like I had gotten everything I could from the twelve-step recovery meetings, and when my school or work schedules interfered with my attendance, I stopped going.
I then learned about other critical components of addiction recovery that I didn’t get from twelve-step meetings.
Guidance and Professional Advice
I tried to get professional guidance. I was seeing three different counselors, two were cognitive behavioral therapy specialists.
Each one was very helpful, and each one dealt with the problem in a different way. I think hiring a “coach” or professional counselor can be a great step for those who are seriously thinking about recovery.
Try different counselors and find the one you like. This requires a high level of self-knowledge. A good counselor or counselor can be tough on you and push you to achieve your goals. and assignments such as meditation or an analysis of what causes you to relapse into addiction.
It can be tempting to stick with a counselor who is soft-spoken. Make sure you stay with someone who addresses your specific needs, not someone who ignores them.
Other useful resources
Some of the most useful discoveries I found were on the “Feed the Right Wolf” website. On their home page, there is a free recovery course that covers some basics and details a process called “Exposure and Response Prevention (either ERP in English).
I found it to be a very powerful tool when used consistently. This became a practice that I use to this day when I am provoked by an image of a sign or advertisement.
A full explanation is beyond the scope of this article, but I can say that it is a tool that helps maintain self-control in moments of critical decisions after you have been provoked.
When a porn addict is provoked, there is a very strong physiological response, hormones are released, breathing increases, blood pressure increases and the brain focuses on one thing.
ERP can be an effective means of reversing these effects, restoring calm to the body so that a wise decision can be made based on your values and what makes sense, rather than a foolish, impulsive choice based on the incredible strength of what your body is telling you to do.
A tool that has personally been indispensable for my recovery is a mobile phone application called ““Brainbuddy”.
It is designed to help you track your progress on a daily basis, providing encouragement and motivation each day, increasing your understanding of porn addiction and the recovery process, and generally helping you maintain control.
My addiction and my relationships
I looked for anything that could help free me from my addiction, but I was still struggling mightily when I met the young woman I would later marry.
We met during my vacation. We quickly became good friends and soon she mentioned that she would like to come visit me. I felt happy and sad at the same time at the idea.
I wanted to see her, but I was reluctant for her to make such an effort without having complete knowledge of the situation she was getting into.
After a moment of reflection, deep breathing to calm my nerves and a moment to collect my thoughts, I began: “I would love for you to come visit me, but there is something you need to know…”
I didn’t mention confusing details, but I made it very clear that I was facing a porn addiction, that it was something very difficult for me, that it had been difficult for a long time, and that I didn’t know how long it was going to take me to recover.
I was very honest; without sugarcoating anything. It was terribly difficult for me. First of all, I had to be honest with myselfNot overly optimistic as he sometimes tried to be, he had to be honest about the situation.
I wanted to make sure she clearly understood what she was getting into by entering into a relationship with me. It was very important to me that she knew from the beginning and made a decision for herself, rather than overlooking my addiction later.
She took time to consider the situation through constant prayer. Afterwards, she decided that she was willing to visit me, despite my addiction, and see what would happen. That decision has blessed my life immensely.
When he came, we quickly decided that we would go on dates. I was nervous since she remembered the men from my 12-step classes, but she knew what I was struggling with, we were just dating, not getting married.
Also, she was very funny. She was a joy to be around. We really enjoyed getting to know each other, flirting and discovering more and more things about each other. The more I discovered, the more I liked it.
At first we didn’t mention my addiction, I continued with my struggle privately, sometimes it went well, and other times it didn’t. When I was with her there was so much light and happiness in my life that there was no space left…