How the couple should experience “sex” in marriage
Many say that the Church is a bit of a “con” to “”, but we tell you the opposite, it is the one that most raises the “yes” flag to sex. And it not only gives it a prominent place, but also gives it the dignity of an altar! It’s sacred!
In this way, it takes on a high priority, it is the source and overflow of love. Sex was one of God’s best ideas for the couple, because it is through sex that the man gives himself completely to the woman (that’s how it should be) and the woman gives herself completely to the man (that’s how it should be). God rejoices when couples, in the conjugal act, reach the fullness of pleasure. Because both, in fact, gave themselves to each other and were there whole. It is not without reason that God counts on sex to continue believing in human beings, and thus, donating human life. But we will talk about children later.
sexual act
It is a necessity, and I want to tell you: did you know that marriage is only consummated after the newly married couple has their first sexual relationship? So it is! Just like that. Because there in the “bed”, if we can say so figuratively (don’t be shocked), one gives himself to the other like Christ gives himself to us on the altar. There is joy and jubilation for such delivery. The Church takes this so seriously that, in the past, before the couple consummated their marriage in the marital bed, the priest would go to the couple’s house and bless the bed, because in fact what would happen there was a sacred act. Don’t make your sexual life in marriage a casualty, or a mere routine fulfillment, sexual intercourse is a source of physical, mental and spiritual health for the couple.
The marital bed should be a place of reciprocity – a husband who seeks to satisfy his wife, a woman who seeks to satisfy her husband. One gives oneself as a gift to the other. And God gives himself to the couple, because He is the source of this love!
Paul, in his letter to the Ephesians, in chapter 5, clearly says that the love between husband and wife is a portrait of the love between Christ and His Church. In other words, marriage helps proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ. Just look at the size of his strength and with him his sexual life! What is very sacred is equally profaned. That is why sex is so profaned and has become a “source of sin” instead of a “source of love”.
Human Sexuality
There are diabolical forces to distort our understanding of human sexuality. Many fall, even in married life, into casual sex and self-gratification, that is, sex without the complicity of the wife and husband’s pleasure, but only in their own pleasure. We also have in many marriages the distortion of the fruitful experience of sex, which sees this dimension of the couple as something still dirty or sinful and not something to be enjoyed with the divine blessing given in the sacrament of marriage. We need to talk more about this. Because Sex in marriage is a source of inner healing.
We couples need to understand that the sexual act is legitimate, desired and blessed by God, and the pleasure we receive from it contributes to the joy of living and to the healthy structuring of our personality and our relationship. When we have a satisfactory sexual relationship, we express with our bodies what vibrates in our hearts. To reach harmony, orgasm, it is necessary to know how to cultivate desire and even a healthy “eroticism”. You need to remain in love and pay attention to each other. It’s good to reach the fullness of the sexual act, “enjoying”, but even better is when we get there together, when we are in such harmony we have everything to reach climax together. Pope John Paul II in the book 1 basis for us to base our married life and also base this book on the issue of Catholic sexual morality, gives a show talking about the issue of orgasm for the couple he states:
“From the point of view of love for the person and altruism, it is necessary to demand that in the sexual act the man is not the only one to reach the culmination of sexual excitement (orgasm), and that this occurs with the participation of the woman and not the at your expense.”
The Pope not only legitimizes sexual pleasure for couples, but he said that couples need to seek to get there together!
Read more:
Sex in marriage
In marriage, the sexual act has three dimensions: relational, pleasure and fertility dimension. The sexual act in marriage needs to take into account that there are two people in a relationship, there are two worlds, there are two realities and perceptions and therefore different rhythms. When time is “spent” relating to the singularity that the other is, we are investing in the first dimension of the sexual act, which is the relational dimension. And know that the sexual act does not begin in bed, but long before it. Sometimes it will begin two, three days, where you will prepare to get there, you will “penetrate” each other’s world, only then will there be a physical penetration that will generate deep harmony. In this way, the sexual act, which is much more than pleasurable, will lead them to a deep existential complicity. Once the relational dimension is well experienced, we have increased possibilities of achieving marital pleasure, together. And when these two dimensions are well adjusted and experienced, we will always be open to fertility. A new life can be born! A new man and a new woman emerge from a new sexual relationship. Understand fertility here not only in having babies, but also – and with this we will spend a lot of time talking to you later, but here we want to convince you that a well-experienced sexual relationship in marriage creates a new man in the husband, and in the wife a young woman. We leave enriched with each sexual act experienced in true love.
The arousal curve of men and women is different. It tends to be the case that the man reaches climax before the woman. Anatomically, the excitation center is the same (reward system). However, women have more erogenous zones on their bodies than men, and this is both good and more challenging, as it tends to increase women’s range of arousal, that is, that is why they not only need penetration to reach orgasm , it takes a whole body involvement for the woman to get there. And this is slower for women than for men. For example, for men, just one touch and they will be excited. The woman needs to be conquered. She is beautiful! Women are a world to be explored. If you, man, are not willing to be a trailblazer, it will not lead you to contemplate treasures.
We need to keep these differences in sexual reactions in mind and in our hearts, not to discover the “G-spot”, but for a total surrender of ourselves and, consequently, we will discover points A,B,C,D, etc. There is a rhythm dictated by male and female nature, the spouses must know it to reach the culmination of sexual excitement, orgasm, at the same moment. The man must be patient with the woman, win her over little by little, she will gradually adapt to him. The man will penetrate her with his genital organ, think about it, even physically it is the woman who will adapt to him. Therefore, man must gradually provide adequate situations to adapt to it. The love that “waits” for everything comes here with force. The man needs to wait for the woman and therefore he needs to pay attention to her in every movement. He will patiently discover her rhythm, and thus their rhythm!
When a woman does not find natural satisfaction in the sexual act, linked to orgasm, she may have a certain “fear” of the conjugal act because she perceives herself as “depersonalized”, feeling like an object of satisfaction for her husband and thus not committing her total personality to him, which makes her particularly prone to neuroses and determines sexual frigidity, that is, an inability to feel excitement at climax. This frigidity sometimes results from a complex or a lack of total surrender, your past, the way you internalized the “masculine”, possible experiences of abuse, or a distorted view of the sexual world, can be behind this “dissatisfaction” and incapacity. of orgasm. Man’s selfishness may be behind this woman’s “inability”. This man, when seeking only his own satisfaction, often in a brutal way, does not know or does not want to understand the woman’s deep desires, nor the natural laws of the process. sexual relationship that develops in her, so closed in itself that it does not extend in love for her. Unconsciously, the woman takes on this selfish act of the man and closes herself off from him. The woman then begins to avoid sexual relations and feels repelled by them. Because women experience the sexual dimension in a more internal and subjective field, and even physically, broader than men, men need to pay greater attention to them. The achievement, my dear, needs to be much more intense!
Pope John Paul II says about this: 2
“Man must take into account that women are a world apart”, not only in a physiological sense, but also psychologically; and as he is responsible for the active part in conjugal relations, he must know and, as far as possible, penetrate this world. This is precisely the positive function of tenderness. Without it, the man will only tend to subject the woman to the demands of her body and her own psyche. Without a doubt, a woman must also try to understand the man and educate him, so that he takes care of her: both are equally important.”
At Amoris Laetitia it is written in paragraph 152:
“Thus, we cannot, in any way, understand the erotic dimension of love as a permitted evil or as a tolerable burden for the good of the family, but as a gift from God that beautifies the meeting of spouses. In the case of a passion sublimated by love that admires the dignity of the other, it becomes a “full and crystal clear affirmation of love”, showing us what wonders the human heart is capable of, and thus, for a moment, “feel if human existence was a success.”
May we, Christians, present to this fallen world the beauty of our conjugality, which is in no way repressed, however, is a source of freedom in the relationship of two people who love each other and give themselves to each other as gifts.
1. Love and responsibility, p. 267
two. Love and responsibility, p. 271