Is an intimate “tongue” kiss a sin?
Absolutely not! It’s not a sin!
The intimate “tongue” kiss, which is common among lovers, is not a sin in itself.
Sin is defined as: “…a lack of true love for God and neighbor, because of a perverse attachment to certain goods… an act or desire contrary to the eternal law” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, art. no. 1849 ).
However, we must better understand what is actually contrary to God’s law and offends Him.
Our natural impulses, our desires, including those of affection and sexuality – which bring men and women together – were given to us by the Lord himself. He endowed us with the ability to truly love “also” through carnal desires.
According to the Theology of the Body of Saint John Paul II – When Saint Paul uses the term “flesh”, he does not only mean what is corporeal in the human being, but everything that concerns him – his psychic, his thoughts, intellect, and physical. These dimensions are part of the being in its entirety. “God looked at his work and saw that everything was very good” (Gen 1:31).
But then you question me! “When I kiss my girlfriend I feel like having sex with her. The act of kissing turns me on! And isn’t that a sin?”
Well, thank God everything about you, in your body, is working very well, isn’t it?
God will not take away your wills, because they are gifts from Him. You must guide them to the right place and time.
In the beginning, when we chose to disobey God, our nature became somewhat disordered, so that which was created good can incline us towards evil.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church, when it deals with concupiscence, can explain it better.
Concupiscence is the disorder “of man’s moral faculties and, without being a sin in itself, inclines him to commit it”. (Catholic Church Catechism art. no. 2515);
“Now in man, in the case of a composite being, spirit (immortal soul) and body (flesh), there is a certain tension, a certain struggle of tendencies takes place between the “spirit” and the “flesh”.
Furthermore, in art. 2516 says that for the Apostle Saint Paul “it is not about discriminating and condemning the body which, together with the spiritual soul, constitutes the nature of man…He wanted to deal above all with works, or rather, with stable dispositions – virtues and vices – morally good or bad, which are the fruit of submission (in the first case) or, on the contrary, of resistance (in the second case) to the salvific action of the Holy Spirit.”
This all means that concupiscence = the desire to sin, is not a sin yet, but a desire produced through a natural and human dimension, which can lead us to sin if we so consent.
However, it is possible to purify ourselves against concupiscence, for this it will be necessary to cultivate what is good in us: the gifts and virtues given by God. And from what we bring with our bad tendencies, our selfishness and impulses contrary to the love of God and our neighbors, we can calm them and channel them into their true meaning and thus make them good.
Well, where does “tongue” kissing come into all of this?
Lovers kiss intimately “with tongue” because they are attracted to each other, they have love, passion, this is good and a gift from God, and they can, in this contact, feel desire, but what each of them chooses to do with that desire, It is what will train the heart in purity or in sin.
There are cases in which this gesture can lead to sin, but, by generalizing and affirming it for every Christian as a sinful act, we will be making the mistake of imposing the yoke of an additional law, like the Pharisees of Jesus’ time.
If feeling the urge is a sin, then let’s issue a decree: Hugging is also a sin, because you will feel each other’s bodies and this can awaken sexual appetite.
However, we know that the next step will determine the choice. They can choose to satisfy the urge even more or decide to talk a little, go to other people, let the ardor subside.
Despite some people in the church saying otherwise, there is no word from the Church that says that an intimate kiss between lovers is a sin. What characterizes then, something of personal opinion, not the word of Holy Mother Church.
Our Catechism does specify that “fornication” is a sin. And fornication is: sexual intercourse outside of marriage.
It is also an offense to the Lord: masturbation, touching private parts, and when a couple uses a hug to get excited.
In comparison: For those addicted to alcohol, we recommend that they do not take the first sip, as their condition makes this single dose the beginning of their loss of control over drinking. But we can’t go around saying that drinking alcohol is a sin. There are many people who drink socially and responsibly (such as by choosing not to drive).
Likewise, if a person’s sexuality is affected, to the point that intimate kisses lead them to fall into sin, then it is coherent for that person to abstain from this form of affection.
I knew couples who made a commitment not to kiss passionately until marriage, but these were specific cases, in which one of the two already had a marked sexuality and recognizing their limits, this suited the couple. This is very beautiful! However, let it be the couple’s decision, and not a rule for everyone.
We cannot deny our humanity. To be holy you must be deeply human, Jesus assumed His humanity completely, except in sin, in everything He wanted to be and go through the processes of a human person.
The beauty of being a Christian is not in the strength of precepts, but in the love that gives meaning to everything we do.
Taking away kisses from lovers is taking away the manifestations of affection that are typical of this type of relationship. Dating is a time for the couple to get to know each other through dialogue and friendship, but it is also a time for affection specific to the commitment they have made.
Good kisses and may God be with you in everything!