Open the Bible with me to Ephesians 5:25-27. We are continuing our year-long study of Ephesians and our recent series on marriage.
Someone recently asked a wife why she chose to marry an unpleasant man. She quickly surveyed the available men and said, “Supply chain issues.”
I don’t claim to be an expert on marriage. I want to say up front that even though I have a wonderful marriage, a marriage that is as strong and stable as any marriage I know.
However, marriage is hard work. In fact, it’s such a tough job that fewer and fewer people are applying for the job at night. There is a woman who recently got engaged. She went to a friend for marriage advice. Her friend told her, “The first ten years of marriage are definitely the hardest.” The girl said, “How long have you been married?” She said, “Ten years.” Once again, marriage is difficult.
It doesn’t take a lot of work to have a bad marriage, but it takes a lot of work to have a good one. Do you know why marriage is so difficult? It’s because marriage involves people. The Bible says that we are complex moral and spiritual creatures, and we let ourselves go to make ourselves happy above all else. Putting our own happiness in front of that of others is a major obstacle to a happy, healthy, long-term marriage.
Let’s dive into Ephesians for help with our relationships. After asking wives to submit to their husbands, Scripture turns to husbands.
Today’s Scripture (page 1162 in your Pews Bible)
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing of water with the word, 27 to present her to himself in splendor, without spot or stain. wrinkle or anything like that. that she may be holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:25-27).
When marriages are strong, the entire community is blessed. And when marriages are weak, the whole community suffers. Everyone has their skin in the game when it comes to marriage.
Let me start by saying that today’s message is for everyone in this room. If you are currently married, this message is definitely for you. If you are not married, but would like to be married, this message is for you. If you are married and wish you weren’t married, this message is really for you.
1. Husbands, love your wives
Notice the first thing the Bible says to husbands: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25).
Responsibility #1: The Bible commands you to love your wife. The word “love” is mentioned six times in this section, and the repetition shows us the importance of loving our wives. The biblical mandate to love your wife may not be new information to you, but it is a necessary reminder. Maybe loving your wife is easier said than done.
1.1 Wedding ring
One day, a man was traveling on a plane and noticed the man sitting next to him. He noticed something very unusual that his wedding ring was on his right index finger. Curiously, he looked at the man and said, “Sir, I think he has his wedding ring on the wrong finger.” The man said, “No, I don’t know; I married the wrong woman.” It was indeed a pleasure to be married to this husband!
Perhaps loving your wife is easier said than done. Notice that nowhere in the Bible does it tell you to love her only if she is lovable. A man does not love his wife because she deserves to be loved; a man loves her wife to make her someone he wants to love. This is a command in the Scriptures. God commands you to love your wife. Just as God commands you not to steal and tell no lies, He commands you to love your wife. Loving her means paying attention to her needs. From the beginning of the Old Testament, newlyweds were commanded to take the entire first year of marriage to “give the wife joy” (Deuteronomy 24:5). The husband was exempt from the army in ancient Israel to ensure that her new marriage was happy and healthy. Husbands, take responsibility for loving her wife and paying attention to her needs.
2.2 A model husband
In fact, love your wife daily for decades. Earlier this year, a woman passed away in the life of our church. She was placed in hospice care on her 50th wedding anniversary. Her husband loved her to the end. He married this single mother who had been abused by her first husband years before. He loved her very much and they taught the Bible together in this church for years side by side. Then, when she was dying, no hospice nurse could come to the house because of the ice storm. So he took care of all her needs, including arranging a way to keep her warm when the power was out.
2.3 Love her as you want to be loved
Ask yourself, “What is his love language? Yes, this can mean flowers, dates, and romance. Love her as she wants to be loved. Her idea of a great time may not be Monday night football. Some of you are like the man who wears the wedding ring on his right hand.
2.4 Different expectations
We have very different expectations when it comes to marriage. Guys, we get married expecting our wives to come to bed every night in a different Victoria’s Secret outfit, and she’s starving for the romance of it. Ladies, you expect her husband to come to bed every night and want to give you a foot massage after he spent the last 3 hours listening to you talk instead of watching the football game.
This is a truth for all of us. needs to hear: When we don’t get out of our marriage what we think we should, then we don’t give our marriage what we know we should.
2.5 Discount tire
A man took his car to Discount Tire because he had a problem with his tires. The attendant said, “Well, the problem isn’t the tires.” He went on to say, “The problem is with your car. Your car is misaligned. If you don’t fix the alignment, you’ll only wear part of your tires, and getting new tires will only give you something else to wear down.” Many husbands think, “If I get another woman, things will get better.” But you will also wear down the next wife, because you are misaligned. Until you are properly aligned with the Lord, no marriage will work for you. This is an intellectually simple message, but there are real challenges to doing it in the long run.
2.6 NT Command only
Again, the Bible commands you to love your wife. When you search through ancient literature from New Testament times, you don’t find a command similar to this. You will not find a command for the husband to love his wife in the rabbinical literature of our Jewish friend. Nor will you find in Roman and Greek literature a command for the husband to love his wife.
1. Husbands, love your wives
2. Husbands, sacrifice yourselves for your wife
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25).
2.1 How do I love my wife?
The Bible gives us a definition of how to love her: as Jesus loved his bride, the church. Now, the Bible doesn’t say love her when only she deserves it. No, the Bible simply says to love your wife. You must love your wife seeking her highest good.
2.2 Don’t be that guy
I think of a woman who woke up in the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. She was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He seemed to be deep in thought of him, just staring at the wall. He watched her wipe a tear from her eye and take a sip of his coffee. “What’s the problem, dear? Why are you down here at this time of night? she asked. “Remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?” she asked. “Yes, I do,” she replied. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the backseat of my car kissing?” “Yes, I remember.” “Remember when he put that shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?’” “Yeah, I do,” she said. She wiped another tear from her cheek and said, “You know… he would have gotten out of jail today.” Don’t be that type, men.
2.3 Dying for his wife
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25).
The logic at the end of verse 25 includes Jesus dying on the cross for His people. Some rednecks read verse 25 and say to themselves, “I’ll be happy to die for my wife when the time comes. When someone breaks into our house, I have it.” It’s easier to die for it when an intruder breaks into your home than it is to put it first day after day and week after week. No, the Bible doesn’t ONLY call husbands to die for their wives IF necessary. The Bible calls you to love your wife as you would love yourself and take care of yourself: “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:28).
A woman said sweetly to her husband, “My dear, I know you are willing to die for me; You have told me many times. But while you’re waiting to die, could you spend some time helping me dry the dishes?”
Self-centeredness is the quickest and surest way to poison your marriage.
2.4 Gorilla Glue Girl
Have you heard of Gorilla Glue Girl? Earlier this year, Tessica Brown, a 40-year-old woman, ran out of hairspray. So she turned to Gorilla Glue spray, believing she would do the same. In a TikTok video, she later explained that she had washed her hair fifteen times, but it wasn’t moving. She goes to an ER, but they couldn’t help her with her “ponytail forever” either! She eventually ends up at a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon who removed the glue from her “rock-hard” hair after several weeks of heartbreak and despair. We have all done stupid things like this lady, but if you want to do something equally stupid in life: love yourself more than your wife.
2.5 Egocentric
Don’t be self-centered. The opposite of love is self-centeredness. Your personal alignment is to be self-centered. Self-centeredness doesn’t belong in your marriage any more than gorilla glue in your hair! Self-centeredness is the quickest and surest way to poison your marriage.
Give the attention you give to the office and work. When we don’t get out of our marriage what we think we should, then we don’t give our marriage what we know we should.
2.6 The problems of single people are masked
Most of the problems we have in marriage are often blamed on our spouse. You sit…