To begin, I would like to define what a yoke is. It is a long piece of wood, with two bows that fit the head or neck of some animals, holding them to the rudder of a plow so that they pull it. This tool is used so that two oxen (the animals typically used for this work) can plow the field, creating deep furrows and in a straight line that will serve to plant the seeds in the earth. Without the furrows, the seed will not grow properly.
Now imagine that we put one of the bows of the yoke on the neck of a strong ox, and instead of putting another similar ox on the other bow, we put any other animal – a horse or even a mule. What will happen is that the furrows will not be straight nor will they have the appropriate depth, since each animal will go at a different pace and their strength will not be balanced. No good farmer would dream of putting a yoke on the necks of different animals to do the same job.
What is unequally yoked
In the Old Testament we find the following instruction from God: “You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together” (Dt 22:10). Although this text refers to the task of plowing, it teaches us a spiritual principle that the Apostle Paul reaffirms in the New Testament:
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what association have righteousness and wickedness? Or what communion hath light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? (2 Corinthians 6:14-15).
This passage reminds us that the true believer, the child of God, cannot be intimately united with an unbeliever. Although this principle is not limited to the marriage relationship, I would like to focus on that particular application from now on. Therefore, when we talk about unequally yoked in marriage, we could interpret it as one of the spouses is a child of God and has married someone who does not know God.
In the light of this biblical teaching, we understand that a person who loves God and wants to live for his glory should not marry another who is not a believer, no matter how respectful or understanding they may be. That would simply be disobedience to God!
However, there is a very common question regarding unequally yoked that I would like to address. What happens if one of the spouses converts to the Lord while already married to an unbeliever? What should he do? This is precisely the case that Paul deals with in his first letter to the Corinthians.
“If a brother has a wife who is not a believer, and she consents to live with him, do not abandon her. And the woman whose husband is not a believer, and he consents to live with her, do not leave her husband. Because the husband who is not a believer is sanctified through his wife; and the woman who is not a believer is sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise his children would be unclean, but now they are holy. However, if the non-believer separates, let him separate. In such cases the brother or sister is not obliged, but God has called us to live in peace. Well, how do you know, woman, if you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, if you will save your wife? (1 Corinthians 7:12-16).
The apostle Peter also makes a similar exhortation to wives when he says: “wives, be subject to your husbands, so that if any of them are disobedient to their word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives” ( 1 Pet 3:1).
Hope unequally yoked
Married life has its ups and downs. Just as we enjoy the sweetness of friendship and intimacy in married life, we also know that we will face problems and crises. The difference will be in the way we deal with obstacles.
Spouses who know the Lord seek to walk under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, biblical instruction, and find refuge in Christ. But what hope is there for those who face the obstacles of life unequally yoked? One of the two seeks the solution in his own strength and wisdom; emotions or intelligence are the guide, but not the Word of God. It’s like speaking two different languages, without understanding each other. It is like living two opposite realities.
In the midst of the suffering and tears of many who live the consequences of being unequally yoked, I want to share some words of hope that we find in the Word of God:
- God can use you to save your spouse. You cannot save your spouse. But God, through the work of Christ on the cross, could use your faithful testimony to draw you to the feet of Christ. There is hope and God can use us as his witnesses!
- To wives, be subject to your husbands. The Apostle Peter reminds us that your loving submission to your husband, your recognition of his authority in the home (just as Christ is the head of the Church), your respect, love and care – even without words – will serve as a magnet to carry his life to Christ.
- To husbands, love your wives as Christ loves his church.. Jesus Christ is the sublime example of sacrificial love for his bride, the church. Although we have not responded as we should to his love and attention, Jesus Christ has remained faithful and attentive to our needs and has not ceased in his affection for the church. Husbands are exhorted to follow that same example.
- Don’t abandon your spouse. The apostle Paul exhorts us not to abandon our spouse for not being a believer. Rather, he encourages us to live a holy life transformed into the image of Christ so that he or she can be blessed, sanctified, and even saved by Christ. That’s the goal!
- Pray without ceasing. The Bible reminds us that the prayer of the righteous can do much (Stg 5:16). Therefore, intercede for the salvation of your spouse every day. Don’t bombard him with Bible verses, don’t force him to go to church meetings. Of course, use the opportunities, at the right time, to share the gospel with him in love and without exasperating him.
- Rest in God. Remember that God knows your struggles and difficulties. He is with you all the days of your life and he has given you the most powerful weapon you can have: the Holy Spirit dwelling in you and guiding your steps. The salvation of your spouse does not depend on you, but on God who has mercy on whom he wants. Therefore, he lives as a godly spouse and bears witness to your faith in word and deed. Do your part and leave the result in the hands of the Lord. He is our hope!