Exaggerated jealousy is unnecessary wear and tear
The Greek language classifies love in three distinct ways.
Eros: romantic love, is characterized when you love beyond love philos-friendship. It applies to relationships as well as union.
Philos: virtuous and dispassionate love. It denotes love between friends and family.
Agape: affection broader than the Eros, non-carnal feelings. In biblical literature, it means self-sacrifice towards everyone, friends or even enemies.
In the “feeling of passion”, the form predominates Eros, characterized by physical attraction, desire and contemplation of beauty. It is a love that seeks reward, even if it is simply the presence of the loved one. The person in love thinks about satisfying their expectations in their partner.
Photo: Daniel Mafra/
Love Eros
O Eros It is the face that best represents and makes possible the aspiration that the Lord himself placed in the human race – to have someone unique to complement him: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother to be united to his wife; and they are no longer just one flesh” (Gen 2, 24). It is a vocation, inscribed in the depths of the being: “The vocation to marriage is inscribed in the very nature of man and woman, as they came from the hand of the Creator” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, n. 1603).
Affectivity and sexuality require complementation, which is why we need to relate to other people. But in the case of the vocation to spousal – passionate – love, with the capacity to love Eros, it is natural that we see the other as part of us. This is wonderful, it is a calling given by the Lord, God’s desire for human beings. However, if it is not well understood and experienced, this ability to love can lead to a tendency to have a feeling of ownership towards the partner, rather than complement.
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Is it normal to feel jealous?
When you have a romantic relationship with someone, it is natural to feel jealous. After all, we establish a commitment with the other person, to which we give something very precious about us, which no longer depends on our care. To the beloved, we entrust our truth, honor and affections. We consider the other person as this complement, part of ourselves, an extension of our being or, in the case of dating, an aspirant to be all of this in our life.
At certain times, love Eros that we carry within us will manifest itself in the form of wanting to preserve this sacredness and, consequently, the bond we have. We want to make sure that the other party also cares and cares, as much as we do, to preserve the affection and commitment that exists between us.
You know that basic peek to see if nothing is under threat? We act like this, as if saying: “Please keep what I feel for you, because what I have inside me is too precious and I am giving it to you! Are you going to take care of all this?”
The problem is when this feeling becomes exaggerated, leading to jealousy that destroys the relationship.
In Sacred Scripture, jealousy is seen as a work of the flesh, contrary to the fruits of the Holy Spirit (cf. Gal 5, 19-20). Not only in romantic relationships, but also in term Philos jealousy is present. Examples of this are: Cain who killed his brother Abel (cf. Gn 4), Saul being jealous of his friend and servant David (cf. I Sam 18, 9). These cases also demonstrate jealousy as a synonym for envy, greed and inferiority complex.
Only on the face Agape Jealousy is not contemplated: “Love does not envy” (cf. I Cor 13:4). São Paulo uses the term Agape in this entire chapter. Jealousy, in this aspect, is defined as: reaction to a real or imaginary threat. It is caused by projections of negative experiences, low self-esteem and emotional immaturity.
How to seek help for exaggerated jealousy?
In order not to suffer from this unhealthy impulse in emotion, it will be necessary to work on our inner healing in our hearts. May the past not be the determinant of our present and future. Life is renewed every day and at every moment there is a chance to write a new story. May the pains of the past only serve as an experience for us to walk more correctly from now on. If something experienced in the past still causes fear or does not allow progress in an area of our life, it is time to seek help. Inner healing must be psychological and spiritual.
Here it is necessary to seek to remedy the three points mentioned above: negative projections, emotional immaturity and low self-esteem. Review your history, “what it is, the fact and where” the cause of insecurity comes from. Within this process, the following must also happen:
Learning to believe in the truth: the facts of reality leave traces in the elements wherever they pass. If he is not faithful to you, one day it will come to light. Supervision and the neurosis of finding evidence of betrayal or negligence on the other side will be of no use. Jesus affirms truth as a rule, principle and spiritual law: “For there is nothing hidden that should not be discovered, nothing secret that should not be published.” (cf. Mt 4:22).
Freedom generates balance
It is necessary to respect the freedom of the person we love: we do not own anyone. We have a commitment, but we cannot determine anything in the other’s life. The ideal point is for the partner to feel free. Freedom generates balance by not wanting to change the other person for who they are, but realizing your responsibility in the commitment they have with you, being spontaneous.
Reflect on this. Can I say that the person I love has responsibility for our commitment? Do his attitudes that I don’t agree with really threaten the relationship or are they points that bring disgust and distrust due to the remote possibility of him replacing me with someone else, or with another task and entertainment?
Be healed by your relationship and not an emotionally sick person. What belongs to each person, what God has for us, will come in one way or another. If something slips through our hands today, it means it is not truly part of us. So why hold on to it so tightly?
Save the strength of your heart for the feelings that will really be worth it. Exaggerated jealousy is unnecessary wear and tear.
God bless you!