Take a moment to review Proverbs 15:2, as we will be using it as an outline of the destructive use of the tongue. Next week we will focus on the constructive use of words.
To date, I have not met anyone who can say that they have never had trouble controlling their tongue. We are sinful and selfish creatures, and we use words for our own ends. For this reason, we often do it at the expense of others. We have all suffered lacerations caused by someone else’s words. Solomon’s proverbs show at least five harmful ways in which an uncontrolled tongue reveals a sinful heart. If uncontrolled tongue is one of his daily worries, I encourage you to pay close attention to this teaching.
The deceitful flattery
Tasty is badly acquired bread to man;
but when he has filled his mouth he will turn to rubble (20:17).
He who rebukes man will later find greater grace
than he who flatters him with the tongue (28:23).
What is flattery? It is that false praise that is said for deceitful reasons. It is that excessive praise that is expressed hoping to find favor in the eyes of another person. The difference between affirmation and flattery is motivation. If we expect to say something to someone for the sole purpose of benefiting ourselves, that is flattery. If we say something with the desire to benefit the listener, we are affirming it or rebuking it, depending on the situation.
gossip and slander
The depraved man, the wicked man, walks in perversity of mouth,
he winks his eyes, signs with his feet and indicates with his fingers.
Perversities are in his heart; at all times he is thinking evil,
causing discord (6:12-14).
He who appeases hatred has just lips,
but he who stirs up slander is a fool (10:18).
The mouth of the fool is his own ruin; his lips are the trap of his life.
The words of the gossip seem soft, but they penetrate to the recesses of the being (18:7, 8).
Who has not suffered the attacks of a tongue full of gossip? I mean any conversation that makes people have to choose between two sides. Usually these conversations put someone down in front of another person.
Gossip always conveys false and exaggerated information. Throughout Scripture, God very clearly rebukes gossip. He abhors this sin.
When you receive information that defames or harms another person, consider the following questions and their answers:
- Does that information involve or affect you directly?
If not, stop the gossip right there. Otherwise, discuss the matter only with those directly involved. - What is the motivation of the person giving you this information? If she’s not doing it out of love, reprimand her or walk away from the conversation. If the motive is misguided love, offer a constructive conversation between the gossip-sharer and the victim.
Reflection
As long as you continue to focus on listening to the people around you, take note of any conversations that are considered gossip. Examine your initial response and why you reacted that way.