For many husbands, wives can be downright confusing. One night, a husband looks at his wife with puppy dog eyes and suggests romance. She replies in frustration, “Not tonight. Is sex all men think about? A few nights later, in that same bed, she might say, “Just watch TV and go to bed. Do you no longer find me attractive?”
Another husband heard his wife complain about her need to exercise. He buys her a gym membership. And that’s when the fight begins!
There are countless occasions in marriage when a husband and wife cross wires. No wonder men are confused about how to make their wife happy! Efforts to make your wife happy can seem counterproductive most of the time.
Although the mystery between men and women will surely continue, here are ten activities proven to make your wife happy:
1. How to make your wife happy: Make talk time a daily habit.
Don’t allow yourself to be so busy that you can’t spend 15 minutes a day talking to your wife. By the way, the last 15 minutes of your day when you’re completely exhausted don’t count. If possible, use dinnertime as a place to chat. If dinner doesn’t work out, maybe it’s a five-minute phone call during lunch and 10 minutes sitting on the couch at night. Every minute counts. You can let him know when you need time alone, but don’t neglect this daily time to talk. Otherwise, you may feel a bit frustrated.
2. Act interested in what your wife has to say.
Notice that I wrote “act”. I know that the things we wives talk about can be boring, long-winded, dramatic, or illogical (or all of the above). But if you just act like you care what we say, it means a lot to us. Imagine yourself in a boardroom listening to a boring presentation from your boss. You would still act self-interested out of respect for your boss. He acts interested in your wife’s comments, not always because the conversation is interesting, but because you love your wife.
3. Hug, hug and kiss throughout the day.
Remember the loving way they held her hand, put their arms around her waist and kissed her softly while they were engaged? Do that over and over again. Remember to have an affair and physically court her with a constant flow of affection. But remember, the point of all your cuddling and cuddling is not to have sex that night. It’s just being physically close (which will naturally lead to more sex throughout the week). Even if neither of you have a strong love language to touch, these physical reminders help her feel safe and secure.
Four. How to make your wife happy: Write her a love note.
It doesn’t have to be pure poetry to make your heart race. Write down the things you appreciate about her. Why are you glad you married her? Did he do anything last week that you really liked? How is she doing a good job as a mother? A few words can go a long way. You can encourage her during a difficult day with the kids or when she feels desperate.
5. Take her on a coffee date.
Let him know you want to hear all the details of his day over a nice hot cup of coffee. If you have younger children, arrange for someone to watch them for an hour or two. At the appointment, take her hand, open the door for her and show her off to the barista. Take time for dating and flirting in marriage. Even after the honeymoon is over, find ways to intentionally spend time with each other.
6. Tell her she looks beautiful.
What is a common question little girls ask? Do I look beautiful dad? It’s a question grown women still ask. Women tend to be hard on themselves regarding their appearance. We are afraid of not being up to your eyes. But if you look into your wife’s eyes and tell her that she is beautiful, you will make her day! We can often worry if our husbands no longer think we are beautiful. These reminders help us stay safe.
7. How to make your wife happy: Help with housework.
If you want to piss off your wife, say something like “Oh, I see you’re having the annual vacuuming” (I know this from personal experience). But if you clean up the house, help in the kitchen, and, yes, even vacuum without being asked, your wife will be incredibly grateful.
8. Notice what is troubling her and reassure her.
His wife is a security seeker. She may be worried about an upcoming move, the development of a child, or financial pressures. Be strong in the Lord first so that later you can encourage your wife. Hug her and reassure her often that everything is going to be okay. Sometimes the past can influence this. We live in a broken world, and you may have had someone abandon you in the past, maybe family or friends. She may fear that if she does something wrong, you will leave her too. Be there for her and be patient with her.
9. Bring him an unexpected gift.
Most women love gifts and it doesn’t matter if they come in small or large packages. Surprise her with a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates just because. Maybe you’re compiling an online wish list of the things you want. Take a look and surprise her with an item on your list. You also don’t have to break a budget. Even if you find something small that reminds you of her, she will really enjoy the idea. Get creative, even make something by hand if you’re artistically inclined.
10. Open up to her about yourself.
The strong and silent type works in the movies, but not in real life. Your wife wants to know about your life. She wants to know what makes you happy and what stresses you out. This is how she connects with you. She really cares what you had for lunch and what weird dress she wears on the way home. He doesn’t answer his wife’s questions with one-word answers. Elaborate.
Which of these activities do you think your wife would enjoy? If you’re not sure, you can always ask him. She will love that you are reading an article on how to make her happy! Know that there are many other ways to make her wife happy. It may be helpful to discover her love language or ask her how she feels best loved. The answer may differ, depending on the person. He’ll also want to know how to make you happy, so have some answers ready.
Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of 31 Days to a Happy Husband Y 31 Days to a Younger You.She has been a guest on Family Life Today, The 700 Club, Turning Point with David Jeremías and The Power Hour. Arlene and her husband Ella James live in San Diego with their three children. Visit Arlene’s website at www.TheHappyHusband.com.
Publication date: December 10, 2012