Better is frank rebuke
Than covert love (Pr 27:5).
The Lord of the rings prominently features the value of friendship. The close and courageous friendship between the hobbits Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee, Pippin Took and Merry Brandybuck is commendable because it models an innocence that does not lose strength in the face of adversity and that makes them stick together to the end. They were physically similar by race and culture, and yet the Fellowship of the Ring was made up of characters as dissimilar as Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli, the renegade and pessimist of the group. But their differences did not weaken their friendship and the pursuit of the same common goal of ending evil.
One friendship that was initially shown and then irreparably broken was between the wizards Gandalf and Saruman. It is evident that the friendship cracks because they had chosen different paths and loyalties. When Gandalf goes to his friend for help, Saruman tells him that it has nothing to do with him or his friends. He then tells her that they should seize the time during the crisis and gain power to rule and control everything. Gandalf recognizes the evil of the sayings and the intentions of his friend and dismisses them completely. The friendship was broken forever.
Friendship is a valuable asset that fools find it hard to understand and even more to preserve. The truth is that, in general, friendship is currently understood in a superficial and fleeting way. Although it has a high component of affect, it is not only made up of a certain subjective and emotional bias that can vanish with the slightest change in mood temperature. By contrast, the wise friendship is strong, enduring, and loyal because it is not focused on self-gratification at the expense of another (a common practice in contemporary friendship), nor is it volatile and disposable. Let’s see then some characteristics of the wise friendship, according to Proverbs, that we should imitate.
A wise friendship understands that it is about two or more imperfect and sinful human beings, but it does not give in to that reality. That is the reason why frankness demands sincerity first. It is useless to say that you love another person if we are unwilling to make them shine. As we read in the heading passage: “Better is frank rebuke than covert love.” Another translation presents it this way very clearly: “It is better to be frankly rebuked than to be loved in secret” (NIV). A wise friendship is not boring nor does it stop having fun and having a good time, but it is also enriching and in sincere coexistence friends are strengthened. “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” (v. 17).
In that same sense, a wise friendship enriches the lives of friends: “Ointment and perfume make the heart glad, and sweet to a friend is the advice of a man” (v. 9). Ointments and perfumes were prepared with spices, flowers and aromatic plants to be used on people or rooms. They were a way of honoring people with that pleasant smell in a special and even expensive way. The teacher of wisdom uses that illustration to say that the advice of a friend is also just as pleasant. And just as it was expensive and laborious to prepare ointments and perfumes in Biblical times (remember Judas’s complaint about the expensive perfume spilled by Mary on Jesus’ feet, in John 12:3-5), so too the advice of a true wise friend will be worked and expensive to be sweet to the recipient. A superficial and selfish fool will never be able to give that kind of advice.
On the other hand, it could be thought that a friendship is just laughter, fun and memorable moments of good conversation around a coffee or a good table. But the teacher of wisdom surprises us by saying: “The wounds of a friend are faithful, but the kisses of the enemy are deceitful” (v. 6). One would expect “wounds” from enemies and “kisses” from friends, but it seems we must understand wise friendship in a different way. The truth is that only a faithful friend will be concerned enough for us to the point of hurting us for our well-being. A foolish friend can fill us with hypocritical kisses while he only seeks his selfish well-being and never our good.
Finally, the teacher of wisdom presents us with another example of friendship that is paradoxical: “Whoever blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning will be counted as a curse” (v. 14). It might seem that blessing a friend out loud in the morning so that everyone knows it is a demonstration of true friendship, but it seems to be the opposite.
What the teacher is trying to warn us is to beware of a foolish friendship that is based on superficial and strident flattery. Today more than ever we like the “likes” on social networks and the praise of everything we post. We feel that these high-sounding and public words are a demonstration of a true friendship, but we must be careful of so-called friends who only want to please us and exalt us excessively. It is possible that they are just looking to impress us to get something from us. The hypocrisy of a false friend turns the supposed exalted and morning “blessing” into a “curse.”
When reflecting on this, let us not lose sight of the fact that our Lord Jesus Christ offers us a true wise friendship, for he shows us two of the most beautiful characteristics of friendship: detached sacrifice and loyal openness. For the first, He says, “Greater love has no one than this: that one lay down his life for his friends” (Jn 15:13). A detached dedication and desire to bless the friend is a quality of a true friendship modeled by the Lord.
For the second characteristic, He says: “I will no longer call them servants, because the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you all that I have heard from My Father” (v. 15). A wise and detached friendship makes itself known, is vulnerable and open. It is a friendship that enriches with his wisdom, which he hopes to bless and not simply take advantage of the friend. That is why our Lord’s commandment is to promote true friendship, when he says: “This I command you: love one another” (v. 17).