Genesis 2:24 describes what marriage is in all its fullness:
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will be one flesh.”
As we have seen in previous articles, the marriage union implies “” to create a new family unit. It is necessary to “leave” in a physical sense, and “leave” in an emotional sense. It is necessary to cut the “umbilical cord” so that the new couple can walk on their own, but let us remember that “leave” does not mean “stop honoring”, caring, loving, because “you will honor father and mother” does not have a date of expiration.
Marriage also means “joining” in a public celebration, a wedding. Let’s break here a myth that comes more from our Catholic heritage than from the truth of God’s Word: every wedding is a wedding. Marriage celebrated civilly, or according to the Muslim rite, or according to Eskimo customs, is a valid wedding in the eyes of God. Marriage is a civil institution, not a religious one. “Join” therefore refers to the public covenant of love and fidelity that a man and a woman make to each other.
The third aspect of marriage that we find in Genesis 2:24 is “being one flesh.” This expression refers of course to the physical union, although not exclusively. In the sexual union, marriage “are one”, and here it is important to highlight that –unlike in mathematics– the order of the factors does alter the product. The order established by God is this: Leave, Join, Be One.
The order established by God is this: Let, Join, Be One
The creator of sexuality
Sexuality is not something to be ashamed of, because God created sexuality (Gen 2:24; 1:27-28) and everything God created, God saw to be good. Sexuality is part of his perfect creation (Gen 2:25) and represents the most intimate level of communication and intimacy within marriage. Let’s see sexuality instituted by God as that, marital communication. In the Old Testament, when the Word of God refers to intimacy in marriage, it uses the Hebrew verb “yada”, “know”. In relationships outside of marriage they are expressed simply by the physical act of “laying down.”
God created sexual intimacy as a strengthener of marital unity (Gen. 2:24; 4:1). He created intimate union as the means to allow men to fill the earth and subdue it (Gen. 1:27-28; Ps. 127). God created sexual pleasure between husband and wife to reflect the delight the Lord finds in his beloved wife, the Church, and the delight we find in our beloved Lord (Deut. 24:5; Prov. 5:18- 19; Heb. 13:4; Song of Songs 1:2, 13-16; 7:1-10; 4:1-7; 5:10-16). Just as Ruth sought to be able to speak with Boaz to bring him his plea, we must passionately seek our Redeemer. Just as Boaz strove to redeem Ruth as soon as possible, our Savior strove to save the Bride from her and bought her ransom because he loved her.
Different by design
God’s design is broken when sexuality is lived outside the framework of the marriage covenant (Ecc. 7:29; Ro. 1:18-32). Marriage is the God-designed context for sexual intimacy, and sexuality outside of marriage is portrayed as sin. But we have to recognize that even when sexuality is lived within the order created by God, it is not exempt from difficulties, because men and women understand it very differently, and each other lives it under the impact of sin in our hearts.
Man tends to experience sexuality as something more biological, reflexive, instantaneous; while for women it is something relational, like the end of a very long conversation. The man seems to have his mind compartmentalized, like a closet full of departments, so that he closes one in order to open the other: work, children, church, sexuality, etc. For her part, the woman has a more global, total, general mind, like a table where everything is in sight. That is why women “never change the subject”, because “everything is related”.
Understanding these differences serves to try to see sexuality as our spouse sees it, and thus understand their weaknesses, needs, and fears. It is a very sensitive area of private life, in which it is very easy to hurt with selfishness and incomprehension, and in turn an area through which we can greatly strengthen the married union if an attitude of respect prevails, service, honor, acceptance, and tenderness.
One flesh indeed
Make no mistake: “being one flesh” does not refer only to physical relationship; rather, the physical relationship depends on your being “one flesh.” The intimate relationship is the culmination of a union, a friendship, a complicity, and a much more complete delivery. Men tend to understand sexuality as a thermostat (if sex goes well, everything goes well), and women perceive it as a thermometer (if everything goes well, sex goes well).
Here I am almost tempted to agree with them, although both aspects have their raison d’etre. If the union between husband and wife deteriorates, obviously these difficulties will be reflected in communication, and sexual intimacy is the most delicate part of communication. On the other hand, in an agreed marriage, sexual intimacy is an enhancer of unity and trust between spouses.
The intimate relationship is the culmination of a union, a friendship, a complicity, and a much more complete delivery
Let us also not be mistaken in thinking that “being one flesh” is the same as marriage. All marriage is completed in sexual intimacy, but for there to be a marriage there must be “leaving,” “joining,” and “being one flesh.” Living together as a couple is not synonymous with marriage, and this is how the Lord Jesus makes us understand when he tells the Samaritan woman that “you have had five husbands, and the one you have now is not your husband” (Jn 4:18). .
Being “one flesh” goes beyond the physical relationship. He is expressing to us that God’s purpose for marriage is unity in all its aspects. Husband and wife must be united in their destinies, their possessions, their ideas, their abilities, their goals, their problems, their successes and failures, their sufferings and joys, their bodies and their faith…
Matthew 19:6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh; Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.
1 Corinthians 7:4 The wife does not have power over her own body, but the husband; nor does the husband have power over her own body, but the wife
Since they are one, neither one nor the other can do what they want with themselves. Husband and wife can no longer do what they want with their time, their money, their bodies, their minds, their stomachs, because they are no longer theirs alone! They are from your spouse, a gift from God, just as God gave Eve to Adam! What a tremendous thought. I am no longer mine. “I am my beloved’s” (Song of Songs 6:3).