Slander is a serious sin. Like its cousin gossip, slander is incredibly destructive. She “stands for blood” (Prov. 12:6), “destroys neighbors” (Prov. 11:9), and “divides friends” (Prov. 16:28). But while both gossip and slander involve destructive speech, slander adds the element of dishonesty.
Gossip spreads the fire, but slander creates the spark.
It is extremely painful to be slandered, and pastors and ministry leaders are particularly easy targets. Precisely because it is such a serious sin, special care must be taken to protect our hearts when it happens to us. One of the easiest ways to be led into sin is when a sin is committed against one.
Here are three tips for responding with wisdom and grace when being slandered.
1. Commit your reputation to the Lord.
Sometimes it’s okay to defend your reputation to those who have slandered you, especially if you are in a leadership role and the smear causes damage to the ministry. But in my observation, it’s often better to remain silent, trust in the Lord, and let the truth be your best advocate in the long run. As my father says, “When (not ‘if’) your reputation suffers undeserved injury, your integrity will eventually say all that needs to be said.”
Even if you have to defend yourself, give it some time. Do not panic. Don’t explode. Don’t be guided by fear. It is valid to defend your ministry (1 Thess. 2; 2 Cor. 10-13), but we must be careful not to be too defensive about ourselves.
The tendency is to think that you have to fix everything, and above all “recover” those who have heard the slander and share your version of events. But often it is the fear of people, not the fear of God, that produces this instinct. And in my experience, the recipients of smear can often tell what they’re hearing is wrong, and sometimes we only make things worse when we try to defend ourselves. I love Spurgeon’s metaphor: “A great lie, if unnoticed, is like a great fish out of water: it plunges and falls and beats itself to death in no time.”
So above all else, focus your concern on truth, not appearance, and don’t let fear be your motivation. After all, it is in the context of being “slandered” that Jesus says: “Do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, nor hidden that will not be known” (Matt. 10:26). . When you feel the pinch of fear and self-protection, remind yourself that the truth will win out in the end. The truth is implacable, inflexible, inevitable, and invincible. He is the king of victories that come from behind.
2. Confront the slanderer gently (not by email).
From what I have observed, it is surprising how often people can engage in the sin of slander without realizing it. Therefore, the most loving thing you can do for all parties involved—including the slanderer—is to confront with love and gentleness. This conversation should be done in person, not via email, text, phone, or social media. In certain situations, it can be helpful to bring a friend or someone mutually trusted who isn’t involved, although I think it’s usually best to start by going alone. Carrying someone else too fast can exacerbate the situation.
It is important to go in “a spirit of meekness” (Gal. 6:1), and not put the other person on the defensive with a blame-seeking or accusatory tone. Here are two ways to do this:
- Start with questions. This allows you to get all the facts before jumping to any conclusions, and is less confrontational. But don’t be afraid to use the word “sin” and “slander” if that’s what it is.
- It expresses vulnerability to the slanderer. This is easy to miss, as it is not our natural tendency when dealing with someone who has wronged us. But sentences that begin with “I felt sorrow/pain when…” rather than “you sinned against me when…” are more likely to “win your brother” (Matt. 18:15), which is the more important goal. Because some slander without realizing it, they are really surprised when they hurt you. Starting with sharing your heart and not accusation can defuse the situation and produce a peaceful outcome.
Confronting someone is uncomfortable and scary. But you have to do it. If you don’t, you are not loving the person who has slandered you, and you are not seeking to “overcome evil with good” (Rom. 12:9-21).
3. Preach the gospel to yourself.
There is always the danger of falling into victimhood and self-pity when we have been sinned against, which is the opposite of what the gospel is meant to produce in our hearts. Although it does not eliminate the pain of slander, the gospel can reduce our defensiveness if we keep in mind that “Apart from God’s grace, I am worse than these slanders say.” Once again, Spurgeon is helpful: “If anyone thinks ill of you, do not be angry with him; you are worse than what he thinks you are.
But we are not yet preaching the gospel to ourselves until we say, as Tim Keller has reminded us in countless sermons, “In Christ I am not only more sinful than I ever feared, but also more loved than I ever could.” have waited”. We must remember that God considers us as his beloved children, that all the hairs on our head are numbered, and that Jesus is interceding for us right now. Having our hearts secure in his love helps us let go of our pain and seek restoration of Christ’s reputation more than our own (another good rubric to keep in mind when discerning when/how to respond).
George Whitefield is a good example for all of us:
Let Whitefield’s name be lost, but Christ be glorified. Let my name die everywhere, let even my friends forget me, if by that means the cause of the Good Jesus can be furthered… I am content to wait until the day of judgment for the clarification of my reputation; and after my death I wish for no other epitaph than this: “Here lies GW What kind of a man was he? On the big day he will find out.”
Amen. May the Lord who sees and judges everything give us such a spirit.
Originally posted on . Translated by Dess Oyola.