I was trying not to cry while talking on the phone, but I couldn’t stop myself. The tears started flowing and I cried on the phone like a 10 year old despite being a 30 year old man. I was talking to my 60 year old mentor and it was such a great sense of relief when I was able to open my heart to him.
Also, I am a pastor. Does it seem strange to you in light of what I just told you? Does it change your perception of me? Pastors are not superheroes. Surely men called by God are meant to be models of Christian maturity, but mature sheep are still sheep. They need a shepherd (1 Pet 5:4).
As I have gained experience as a pastor, I feel less pressure to be a man honed to perfection. Sure, I struggle with fear of men and other ungodly emotions, but I’ve learned not to hide my brokenness. It’s no use. God sees it and it will eventually come to light (Lk 8:17). Why not take the lead and see God use the church to help me grow in sanctification?
With all this in mind, here are some brief thoughts for both church members and pastors.
For church members
Church Member: Your pastor lives in the same fallen world that you live in. He must meet the moral qualities of a pastor (1 Pet 5:1-5; 1 Tim 3:1-7; Titus 1:5-9), but there will be times when, with Paul, he will cry out, “Oh! Wretched me! Who will free me from this body of death” (Rom 7:24). When your pastor experiences such emotions, pray for him and love him well.
Your shepherd is a shepherd, but he is still a sheep
Your shepherd is a shepherd, but he is still a sheep. You can serve him by making sure he can attend conferences, workshops, and pastoral groups that will strengthen him. Shepherd him even as he seeks to do the same for you. I have two brothers in my congregation who are not elders, but whom I call or email when I have difficulties. He may not share much more than a “Hey bro, today is a hard day. Pray for me”, but it is comforting to know that pious brothers are praying for my work (James 5:16).
for the shepherds
Pastor: Be open and vulnerable with your congregation. Be quick to repent, lead the way with transparency, and ask for prayer for the problems in your life. Let your congregation see that you are human. This is good for your own soul and you will be a healthy example to your fold. If you’re not willing to be honest about your pain, your church members will never learn to either.
It doesn’t have to be complicated or dramatic. Here are some practical examples that you can implement in your ministry:
- Don’t be afraid to share hard news with the church, anything from dying relatives, a cancer diagnosis, to learning disabilities in your children.
- As members share their struggles with particular sins, encourage them using your own stories of your battles. Many sheep feel that their shepherds have never wrestled with their particular type of sin. Admitting that you have had similar problems can go a long way.
- Find church members you can call on in daunting times.
A brief warning is in order here: transparency is not the ultimate virtue and should not be sought at all costs. True, many of my fellow pastors would do well to be less fearful of men and more vulnerable, but others have fallen into the trap of using vulnerability as an excuse for self-promotion. Too often, “being real” trumps prudence.
If you’re not willing to be honest about your pain, your church members will never learn to either.
While it’s good to be honest about our struggles, even with our sins, there is a wise way to do it. The path of wisdom often involves concentric circles of congregational participation (Mt 18:15-20) and discretion. Sometimes “exposing” sin means not mentioning the details (Eph 5:11-12) because doing so would be embarrassing. So seek transparency wisely, lest you treat sin and the effects of the fall lightly.
Finally, consider the gospel. Our Lord Jesus Christ showed transparency to his followers in his greatest moments of weakness. From anguish-laden drops of blood in prayer (Lk 22:44) to crying out to his Father under the burden of sin on the cross (Mt 27:46), Christ shows us the way to shepherd with humble transparency. May the shepherds under his command imitate his example well.
Originally posted on The . Translated by Team Coalition.