Are non-Christian marriages legitimate in the eyes of God? That’s today’s question from a listener named Steve. “Pastor John, thank you very much for your ministry. This podcast and several of his books have had a huge impact on my spiritual life. Here’s my question: A coworker asked me if he thought God honored secular marriages. My instinctive reaction was yes. My coworker said no. He believes that if both parties do not believe in God, then God is not in that marriage and therefore God does not recognize the marriage. He went further by stating that God does not even listen to the prayers of non-Christians. I’ll be honest, I didn’t know how to respond or defend my opposition to his position. Is there Biblical support for the legitimacy of secular marriages?
This is one of those typical cases where disagreement precedes definitions, or where conflict precedes clarification. So this is an opportunity for me to stand on the podium and plead with all Christians not to get involved in conflicts or in debates where the terms of the conflict and the definitions in the debate are not clear.
define in advance
Arguing over words or phrases that aren’t defined is akin to a watchdog barking at the shadows. It can scare away a burglar, but it can also scare the firefighter who comes to save your house from a fire. A discussion without clear definitions is like playing tennis with the net down and all the lines on the court erased. You can argue until doomsday: “The serve was in!”, “No, it wasn’t!” What good is that? It’s crazy.
This is my plea: insist on definition and clarification before you disagree. For example, what does this person mean by saying that “God is not in marriage”? What does he mean”in»? What does he mean when he says that God does not recognize -or not honor– marriage? What does it mean to recognize? What does it mean honor?
What often happens when we insist on clear definitions is that problems start to take care of themselves. I have seen it over and over again. Often the definitions themselves answer the questions being discussed. So I encourage all Christians not to waste your time playing tennis without lines on the court.
Marriages that fall short
Let me then imagine how the mind of this person might have been working, who asked this question about the validity of marriages between non-believers. My guess is that he thought something like this: “Everything that does not proceed from faith is sin” (Rom 14:23). That’s pretty radical. Thus, if people who do not have faith marry, they are sinning. Since God disapproves of sin, so he disapproves of this marriage. Then the leap is made: therefore, it is not a marriage. Well maybe. But first you have to argue a little.
Whether that is the line of thought or another line of thought that I am unaware of, let me give several Biblical reasons why I believe that marriages between a man and a woman who make a promise of lifelong fidelity to each other as husband and wife they are, in fact, married. They are real marriages, even if they are not ideal. They are not believing, they are not consciously rooted in God’s purposes for marriage and so they are disobedient, deny Christ and fall short. I think that’s the way we should talk about these marriages, not say they’re not marriages.
So I’m not saying they’re not married—which, by the way, I am saying about so-called “marriages” between two men or two women or a person and an animal. That is not marriage. It is not a marriage. There is no marriage between two people of the same sex. Whatever the world calls those relationships, they are not marriages. But marriages between an unbelieving man and an unbelieving woman are true marriages that fall short of God’s highest purpose for marriage.
Marriages between an unbelieving man and an unbelieving woman are true marriages.
Now why am I saying this?
1. A sinful marriage does not equal an invalid marriage.
First, going back to Romans 14:23, which is a very radical text: “Everything that does not proceed from faith is sin.” It does not follow that if something is sin, it is not real and should not happen. For example, in the context of Romans 14 the point is that eating certain things, even innocent things, will be sinful if not done in faith.
So, if an unbeliever eats the good gift of God which is meat or drinks the good gift of God which is wine or orange juice, that act, not performed with faith, is an act of sin. God intended that food be eaten and drink drunk with gratitude and faith in Him. All other uses of the gifts from him are sinful. They are failures to live according to God’s design for food and drink.
Now, the question is: Are we to conclude that unbelievers, as a consequence, should not eat, since the way they eat is sin? Or are we to conclude that unbelievers must have faith when they eat? The answer is this: God does not require unbelievers to stop eating; he demands that they trust him and thank him when they eat. If they don’t, they’re in big trouble. The same happens with marriage, since getting married without trusting Jesus and without thanking him is a sin. What does God require? Does it require that unbelievers not marry? Or does he demand that unbelievers believe and trust him and thank him for the gift of marriage?
2. Unbelieving institutions continue to fulfill God’s purposes.
God ordained that there should be human institutions such as the government. He explains it in Romans 13:1-7 and 1 Peter 2:13-17, and teaches that governments are real. They are royal governments and they accomplish many of their good purposes, even when the emperor and governors are incredulous. So everything that these rulers and emperors do is sin in their disbelief, because they do not do it from faith. However, that does not prevent God from recognizing governments as real institutions, ordained by God, that fulfill his purposes.
In the same way, God ordained the institution of marriage, which also accomplishes many of God’s purposes, even when husband and wife are unbelievers, such as providing the repopulation of the earth, some measure of stability against chaos, some likeness of covenant love that God intended marriage to portray.
God ordained the institution of marriage, which also accomplishes many of God’s purposes, even when the husband and wife are unbelievers.
Let me highlight this last point. The ultimate purpose of marriage, according to Genesis 2:24 and Ephesians 5:32, is to represent the covenant love between Christ and his church. This is done most clearly in an obedient and faithful Christian marriage. But it is done subtly even in a lifelong, unbelieving marriage that keeps promises and avoids adultery. So marriages accomplish some of God’s purposes imperfectly, even when the spouses are unbelievers.
3. Converted spouses must remain married.
In 1 Corinthians 7:12-16, Paul addresses Christian spouses who convert while in an unbelieving marriage, so that one spouse is now a believer and the other is not. He tells them not to get divorced, so they don’t think, “Oh, I have to divorce my spouse because now this is a broken marriage because one of us is an unbeliever.” He does not tell them that they are now in a “half” marriage or an illegitimate marriage, nor does he tell them that they need to have a new wedding ceremony because they were in a non-marriage. they weren’t. They were in a marriage. It was a marriage and it is a marriage, doubtless imperfect, but it is still a marriage.
4. Despite the fact that the marriage was contracted incorrectly, it is still a marriage.
When Jesus talks about divorce, and describes remarriage after divorce as adultery, he goes on to call such marriages adultery, marriages. For example, in Luke 16:18 he says: “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries the one who is divorced from her husband, commits adultery». Well, that is very strong language, and there is no escaping the fact that Jesus uses the word get marry for what shouldn’t happen, but does. When it happens, it is what it is. If Jesus treats wrongly contracted marriages as true marriages, then it is no exaggeration to treat unbelievers’ marriages as true marriages.
Where there is a covenant made between a man and a woman for a life of fidelity as husband and wife, we have a marriage.
Now, much more could be said here, but let me end with this: Marriage is founded on God’s design for creation in the beginning and is a valid institution for all His human creatures (Gen 2:18-25). Where there is a covenant made between a man and a woman for a life of faithfulness as husband and wife, we have a marriage. It will become something that honors God, exalts Christ, and is grounded in truth when the couple believes.
What we say to an unbelieving couple is not: “Don’t marry,” but: “Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved” (Acts 16:31).
Originally posted on . Translated by Team Coalition.